12 November 2006

Five Days

V

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

-T.S. Eliot, The Hollow Men


Five days. Twice I have tried to sleep, King Headache says No Soup For You…So, guess I’ll write an entry after all.

Less and less time. It is 2:30 am on Monday, but if Albert can say that 'Time is Bunk', then I can say it is still Sunday. For I cannot sleep and there are miles yet to go…
Today I went out with Jenna and lil' Sofie and bought a few things to help get through three weeks in bed unable to lie on my back…a new pair of headphones, a new Miles Davis CD, a few movies. Later, with my baggage scattered around me, and sweet Jazz filling my room, I daydreamed that this was a vacation I was preparing for. My family and I, ducking out on winter before it has even really gotten started.
Yet my body keeps insisting that I be in this moment, and who am I to argue after all. I wouldn’t willingly squander this moment or any other, given the poor alternative of having no moments.

I talked with a Healer on the phone today. Her bright energy came pouring through the fiber optics with potent compassion. While her words and wisdom need repeating, I am still processing and lack the mental spark right now to do them justice.
But I felt lifted up; and reminded that despite what I may think of as flaws in my body, I am as the Goddess made me: perfect and imperfect, transitory and eternal, an organic transistor for love.
Thank you C, I will carry your prayers with me.

I fell again, twisted my damn wrist and ankle. I thought I was well anchored, but there is no denying it, gravity sucks. I have to be awake in four hours, to get ready to see the Home Team Doc one last time. One more vampiric nurse, one more EKG and a chest x-ray.
Poke me, prod me, turn the little key and watch me jerk…at least they are nice and give away lollipops.

I imagined that I would feel differently somehow when I could count the days on one hand. Maybe I do. I thought perhaps its symbolism might uncover a vein of new strength. Maybe it has. I can’t untether it now, and if I don’t stop soon I will just continue to babble.
What can I say?
King Headache needs a history lesson, how do I spell guillotine?
P-e-r-c-o-c-e-t.

-End Transmission-
Dawn McKenzie

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hope you are feeling better today and that you can get some sleep.
When I was at home recovering from surgery (not as big or important as yours) last year I must have been watching about two DVD's at least a day. I made a million phone calls to friends just to feel in touch with the outside world too. Though sadly I did hardly any reading as my arm was immobilised and that seemed to be trickier than I had first expected.
If you enjoy reading, I would seriously recommend you 'Any human heart' by William Boyd. Look it up on Amazon or something and see if the synopsis draws you to it. I really enjoyed it and it is still very well seated in my top 10.
Anyway, just to say hello and hope everything goes well. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones. Best of luck.